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Written by MELMAN
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Monday, 23 January 2012 10:02 |
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Years ago, I remember riding in John's truck. John was driving, Diane was in the middle and she asked me how I ended up living in Atlanta. I proceeded to tell her the whole story of how I arrived on a bus with a duffel bag, a guitar and $75. How I stayed in a boarding house and got a job at McDonalds while I searched for an office Job. Back then, office jobs required typing skills of 45 words per minute, something most of us can now do with just one hand. I saw an ad in the paper for a free typing class. It was being given by Kelly Services and in return, you had to work for them as a temp for three months. I told her how I did temporary office jobs for three months until I landed a real job at an insurance company. I worked my way up from the supply department, to underwriter, to manager and stayed with them for 24 years. I was proud of that story and when I finally finished telling it, there was a brief silence in the truck until John spoke. "So, Melman was a Kelly Girl....." |
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Written by Administrator
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Thursday, 10 November 2011 12:45 |
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"Nov. 10 (Bloomberg) -- Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was kidnapped in his home country of Venezuela, where he had been preparing to play baseball in a winter league. Ramos is the first Major League Baseball player to be kidnapped in the South American nation. Relatives of several major leaguers have been targeted in the country before...." Please note the bold text. Really? Do baseball people have point out statistics on EVERYTHING? Why is this even relevant to the story, have MLB players been kidnapped in other countries? Maybe they are expecting other players to be kidnapped too and Ramos is just the first one. If that's the case, then way ta go Wilson! You rock. WTF. |
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Alien Chalk Circles Appear in Roswell, GA |
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Written by MELMAN
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Monday, 12 September 2011 10:23 |
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It happened this weekend, right in my own neighborhood. Alien Chalk Circles! I talked to some of the people standing around looking at them. One of them told me he definitely heard noise in this very area the day before, but it was during the day and not at night when most aliens do their circle thing. Another one said he thought it sounded eerily like kids. I just found that statement creepy. I may have been the first one to discover them but others showed up soon after I did, mesmerized by this phenomenon. The geometry and symmetry is astounding. Photo 1 - Photo 2 - Photo 3 - Photo 4 - Photo 5 - Photo 6 - Photo 7 |
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8-Year-Olds In Crime Spree |
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Written by MELMAN
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Wednesday, 03 August 2011 08:14 |
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What? This in the Atlanta Journal Constitution this morning: Atlanta police say two 8-year-old boys were among a number of juveniles implicated recently in a spate of burglaries in southwest Atlanta. Burglaries? Plural? Clearly a misunderstanding, right? I mean when I was 8 I got in huge trouble for peeing on my friend Todd. I'm talking intra-parental communication, spanking, yelling, HUGE ordeal. But burglary? There was that time we were playing "Adam 12" and one of my pals was wearing a ski mask and a b.b. gun which scared the shit out of the neighbor lady, but come on, we were playing. The thought never occurred to us that we could have robbed her of something valuable, which I'm pretty sure would have involved anything containing sugar. Apparently, there is no misunderstanding: "We are seeing an increase in burglaries in the Princeton Lake & Deerwood communities," APD Zone 4 Commander Maj. Rodney Bryant wrote Monday in a email alert sent to affected residents. One of the incidents occurred last weekend when police interrupted an attempted car theft on Harwell Road in Zone 4. An 8-year-old suspect was detained..." They're jackin' cars too?!!  |
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Written by MELMAN
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Tuesday, 24 May 2011 14:31 |
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This is a fictional writing challenge accepted by my writing friend. Hope you like it. As a teenager, I learned to sew. Not just buttons and repairs mind you, but I could sew entire outfits, costumes, jackets and other clothing, from scratch. I loved it and got quite good at it. By my junior year in high school, I had created the uniforms for the entire Varsity Drill Team. Here's the rub, my Dad hated it. He was so embarrassed by it that it kept him up nights. He didn't think it was manly and went out of his way to divert my attention from it. It didn't matter to him that I had a girlfriend, he was way more concerned that my girlfriend bought me a sewing machine. That absolutely flew all over him, almost as much as my first project with that sewing machine; my Prom tuxedo. I made it from scratch and wore it proudly. My girlfriend loved it. My Dad was so angry that he forbid me from even going to the prom. Instead, I would be riding with him on his UPS route. I couldn't believe it. There I was on Prom day, watching my Prom-bound friends through the windshield of a UPS truck. I was seething. I think my dad realized he had gone to far and so he offered to let me drive the UPS truck for a few stops. I was still pissed, but at least I got to drive. The UPS truck turned out to be a little trickier than I thought. While making a stop on Canal Street, I accidentally shoved it into reverse instead of park. The thing jumped off the curb and down a ravine. I thought it was going to roll over before it came to a rest on a tree stump and a chain-link fence. I though my dad was going to have a stroke. "Holy crap! Holy crap!" he hollered! "I'm gonna lose my job! What the hell have you done!" By the time he scurried out the rear door, the police had already arrived. It was at that moment that I realized I was less than a half a block from my girlfriend's house. He was so busy trying to explain what happened to the police that he didn't even see me run to my girlfriend's house. I put on my tux, grabbed the sewing machine and handed her the camera. She snapped this photo: |
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Written by MELMAN
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Tuesday, 24 May 2011 13:18 |
 This is a photo my friend Diane posted as her profile picture on Facebook a while back, Easter to be exact. Was it a poor choice? Uh huh. Should I be taking advantage of my friends mistakes? I think we all know the answer to that, but that is not my purpose here. My purpose is to question this concept. There are SO many things wrong with this picture that I don't know where to start. Lets start with the creepiness first. If I was a kid, this would literally scare the crap out of me. A creepy, GIANT bunny with a plastered smile? Are you kidding me? Does anyone remember the scene similar to this in The Shining? Next, why is the bunny sitting in a chair? Because that's what Santa Clause does? Does every holiday have to have an unbelievable character whose lap you can sit on and tell secrets to? What is the lesson here? And speaking of lessons, what about the one where we show the clear association between bunny rabbits and eggs. Get a bunny, get an egg. Wait, what? Do the bunnies lay the eggs? What IS an Easter Egg anyway. Where did this concept even come from? Finally, where are the bunny's hands in this photo? I don't see them and this little girl looks like she is about to slide to her death (I'm pretty sure she didn't). Can we just stop this madness? If not, we should at least be consistent; the 4th of July is coming and we should be able to set our kids on Uncle Sam's lap so they can tell him what their parents think of the economy. |
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Written by MELMAN
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Thursday, 19 May 2011 08:42 |
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Ok Miss Mommy, I accept your writing challenge. Eatin' Turtle Heads Raw I hated that sun when it bounced off the lake
it blinded me so and made my skin bake
But I didn't care about the sun or the pain
My focus was clear though I couldn't explain
The turtles were all around for the taking
I'd bite off their heads till my stomach was aching
I loved turtle heads raw
I loved them with mustard
Chased them down with a coke
or with Mama's frozen custard
And when it got late, I'd still be in that boat
surrounded by dozens of turtle shells afloat
You might hear me belch, or see me a smilin'
feet on the bow, singing and stylin'
Friends would swim past, they'd see me and gag
they didn't share my taste for turtle head schlag
I loved turtle heads raw
I loved them with mustard
Chased them down with a coke
or with Mama's frozen custard
And when I went home, with my belly quite filled
I look forward to dinner, more turtle heads chilled
Mama'd fry them in lard, with a pinch of cayenne
A side of tomatoes, sometimes with salmon
Daddy would stare at us with shock and with awe
He couldn't believe, we'd eat turtle heads raw |
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Written by MELMAN
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Thursday, 12 May 2011 14:08 |
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I am sick of widgets. They have progressively gone downhill every year. They don’t work like they used to, they don’t look like they used to, they smell bad, and they are WAY overpriced. I am tired of hearing the blame placed on the cost of oil, which is blamed on reduced subsidies, which is blamed on Obama, which is of course, is blamed on me. Widgets have nothing to do with oil, so get over it. They are not going to get any better when and if oil prices drop. My belief is that black market widgets are the real cause of the problem. People steal them faster than green grass through a goose just so they can sell them on the international market. You can’t even get decent widgets on eBay anymore, except for the inflatable ones. It’s time someone steps up to the plate with a new widget. And not just faster and smaller ones either. The old widget GOTTA GO! Note, if you are PRO WIDGETS, then click here! |
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